#36: Culture Shock

CC. 2/2. PMHx. Abs. Tx. Abx. qd. subq. DKA. DM. MVA. Sxs.

This is how I write my notes. I speak in the structure of chief complaint (CC), history of present illness (HPI), past medical history (PMHx), and a closing with treatment (Tx). I get a bit annoyed when people don't present things in this structure, even when we don't talk about medicine. I oftentimes want people to present their life problems just like a medical presentation on rounds.

This past Spring Break it took me a few days to become reacclimated with how normal civilized people interact with carefree banter that go nowhere and has no point other than for kicks and giggles. It took me a few days to put away the books even for a day and go have fun without feeling an exorbitant load of guilt.

After being around medicine and medicine people all day, every day for a long period of time, it really takes a long time to adjust. Exiting the medicine world is almost a surreal experience. It's difficult "shut off" the medical personality. Somehow I feel that this is like a Southwest Airlines commercial: want to get away?

Question
How difficult is it for you understand what doctors are saying, especially with jargon?   

#35: Who Wants to Date a Med Student?

Here are some things you should know if you're about to date a med student, especially if you're not a med student:

If you're thinking about dating a 1st year:
1) Postexam bar nights are filled with reckless libation and obscene debauchery.
2) The first few months (3-4) aren't so bad. Your med school significant other will have some free time. Some.
3) Shit hits the fan about 6 months in. Maybe 8 if you're lucky.
4) If you want to bring up a complaint about the relationship, make it high yield: CC and HPI. You will hear "high yield" a whole fucking lot.
5) Unless you can somehow study for about 8 hours per day a week before exams, there really isn't much you can do together as a couple during that week. Well, maybe you two can go pick up a pizza or Chinese. Romantic.

If you're thinking about dating a 2nd year:
1) Don't.
2) Really?
3) What? Still?
4) You crazy.
5) Ok, fine. You really want to know why? Step 1.

Question
I have more or less one week of vacation between 2nd and 3rd year. America is a vast nation of amazing places. Where should I travel to?

#34: I Was Curing Cancer

Hey folks,
I'm sorry for breaking all the hearts of avid fans out there...wherever you are, say Canada and Germany. I still have no idea which one of you in Germany keeps on reading my blog, but danke! During my 2+ months hiatus, I was curing cancer. No big deal, really. It was just a hobby I took up to relax when 2nd year of med school got overwhelming at times.

Anywho, I'm back and will try to bitch and moan and be a sarcastic ass on a more regular basis. I'll even throw in a few deep profound thoughts, but there will be too many daily cathartic moments to share. I can't really be blogging all the time while living my awesome life.

Here's a tidbit of my adventures lately. A good number of my med school friends are on prescription drugs for anxiety, sleep disorders, concentration issues, and other conditions. I'm not saying that this is wrong or frown upon, but it was definitely a shock to hear about it considering every day my friends seem normal and do well in school. They seem fine, cheerful, confident, and well-maintained, but when I got to know them more personally, I was surprised to hear about their situation.

I understand that med school itself is a lot of stress. In addition there are a lot of other stressors in the life of a med student:

1) Relationships (or lack thereof) with significant others. Even dating someone in med school who understands what you're going through can be tough. School takes up a huge chunk of time. Expectations to do well in school forces you at times to prioritize your relationship in the context of school...and that's a huge bummer for your partner. Wining and dining after looking at the 100-200K+ loans kills a bit of your soul each time.

2) Family. Again, some students are and/or were really close to their family, but now feel that they have to prioritize their relationships and time with parents and siblings.We med students always welcome a home cooked meal and laundry service.

3) Food (or lack thereof). Ramen every day for the sake of time and convenience definitely not healthy. Headaches and heart palpitations because of coffee or caffeine pills are not healthy just so you can stay up to learn that alcohol enemas could be a probably reason for alcohol poisoning at frat parties...Again, it's difficult to have the time to cook properly when all med students are basically Type A's who have extremely high expectations for themselves to do well.

4) Classmates. Oh, I seriously want to destroy that classmate who got 97.5% on the Path exam. Still haven't found out who it was (yes, "it"...because no human should do that well).

5) Friends outside of med school. Look, it's nice that you got married, bought a house, and made a baby. Oh wait, you just got a job promotion? Splendid! Want to pay my loans? Want to do rounds at 5AM...after getting home at midnight? I'm sorry that I've declined 3 consecutive invites to parties that, now, you don't even consider inviting me anywhere fun. But, when you're coughing up blood or have a "thing on your thing," you give me a call...at 2AM.

Don't worry, I'll be back again. Soon, I promise.

Question
Are you excited for the return of Community...AND Mad Men? There goes that 97.5% on the upcoming Path exam....

#33: Clinical Joke as a Med Student

As a med student you're bound to be in some hilarious predicaments since you're at the bottom of the totem pole. For example,

Scenario A:
Resident: "I'm going to do a digital rectal exam." - Joke.

Scenario B:
Resident: "You are going to do a digital rectal exam." - Not a joke.

Advice for future med students out there, two words: double gloves.

#32: The Always Chatty Classmates

There's a classmate in my small group who is always chatting with her friend. You can hear them laugh, giggle, whisper, and chatter. I have no problems with being social at school. I find it actually heartwarming considering all the stress.

However, these two never seem to shut up, even when the professor is talking. All the freaking time yap yap yap, teehehe teehehe. I don't give a damn that you bought flight tickets for Spring Break, which types of boots are in this year, or how useless the small group sessions are. To an extent the incessant chatting interferes with how I can focus on what the professor saying, but that isn't my main problem.

What pisses me off is that when the professor calls on them, they don't know what the question is or in which context was the question asked, which wastes time backtracking through the earlier discussion and an explanation of the question. All of this could have been avoided if they would just shut the front door just a few times throughout the small group sessions.

I just want to squeeze in a nap if the small group finishes on time or early. Please, I need my beauty sleep.

#31: What I Wish I Had Known Before Entering Med School - Part 1

1. I should exercise regularly.
2. I should study regularly.
3. Medical jokes never get old.
4. More students are in it for the money than I thought.
5. Med students sleep around...with other med students.
6. Dressing more decently and professionally goes a long way in opening up patients to talk.
7. CAGE questions should only apply to coffee.
8. My index finger gets more play than I do.
9. Loans create nightmares.
10. I am more scared shitless examining patients than I do bombing an exam.

#30: Medical Poetry Slam...Not Really

Aorta tell you I'm quite stressed.
With all this Robbins left I haven't gotten much rest.
Overdosing on Folger's coffee,
I run to the bathroom quite often to pee.
Renal dysfunction, heart palpitations,
please Winter break give me much needed relaxation.